i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
