i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
