im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
