Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
