I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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