where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
