i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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