i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
