we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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