dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
a search helicopter?!
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize