around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
