I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
