I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
