Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
