I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
