It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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