do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
