sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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