how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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