This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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