I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Watching her eat just hurts me
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
