Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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