were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
