If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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