You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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