wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
