the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
