I think I just saw someone hide a body.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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