So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
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