I seem to have left my pride at pride
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
