We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
