I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I love you. Go after that dick
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
