at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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