T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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