is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
