she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
