Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
