she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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