Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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