How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
