if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize