So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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