So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
