Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
