ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
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