my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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