K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
