Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
