but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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