This beer is not sobering me up at all
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
