It's Friday. Sex?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
