Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
