We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
