I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
