Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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