Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Randomize
