there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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