he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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