I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
