my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
It's never too late to be topless.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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