We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
