I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize