Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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