i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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