I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
